First you have to understand that most 911 calls are not true emergencies. Not an emergency in the kind of sense that those of us with any amount of intelligence would consider an emergency. It is an emergency in someone's eyes because they don't have enough common sense to run their own lives. This is typically how many calls go:
Caller: "My purse was stolen out of my car."
Dispatcher: "WHERE did this occur?"
(We like to establish jurisdiction, if it isn't ours we're more than happy to refer them to the correct agency. One less goofball we have to deal with today!)
Caller: "About 3 hours ago"
Dispatcher: "Not WHEN Mam, but WHERE?"
Caller: "At my house."
Dispatcher: "I understand that Mam, but WHERE do YOU live?"
Caller: "In (name of city)
Dispatcher: (Through clinched teeth) "I KNOW THAT... WHAT IS YOUR ADDRESS?"
Caller: "Oh, 123 Main St."
Dispatcher: "And your purse was stolen from your locked vehicle?"
Caller: "No it wasn't locked. But it was parked in my driveway."
People, People you can't possibly be this stupid. As Bill Envall likes to say, "Here's your sign!"
Here is my all time favorite call
Dispatcher: "Good afternoon, Dispatch."
Caller: "I um... need to talk to somebody. I just dropped my son off to his dad and I picked him up yesterday morning and he brought him without no car seat and right now he just left he's driving."
"Where did this exchange take place?"
"At Rob's Tires, and I was not going to drop him off with him but he said the uh...girl that lives with him was gonna bring a car seat and I watched because I have been told he has been driving around without my kid in a car seat and my kid's only 1 1/2. "
"What's your name?"
"insert caller's name here"
"Ok, what is his name?"
"Bob...Bobbie (says last name)"
"How do you spell that?"
"I'm not sure"
"You don't know how to spell his last name?"
"(giggle)No I don't"
(Train starts to pass through and can be heard in the background)
"It's the father of your child?"
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"It's the father of your child though?"
"He is, yes!"
"But you don't know how to spell his last name?"
"Huh?"
"BUT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL HIS LAST NAME?"
"No, I don't know how to spell his last name?"
"What is it again?"
"repeats name"
"Do you even know what it starts with?"
"An "I" "
"And his first name is Bobby?"
"Yea, Roberto, Bobby? I - "
"Hold on please -."
"I have his license plate number too"
"Ok, hold on please"
*** At this point I put her on the phone and scream as Jesus weeps that one of his children could be so ....um.....what shall we call her? ***
" ok what's the license plate mam?"
"My aunt's looking for it, we just wrote it down when he drove by."
(Passenger inaudibly repeats a plate number)
"Ok, what kind of car is it?"
"It's a BMW"
"What color?"
"Uh, it was silver, or you know like a goldish silver color."
*** Dispatcher thinks.... black is opposite of white, gold is opposite of silver --- WTF is goldish-silver?***
"Gold or silver?"
"And I believe he doesn't have a driver's license."
"Wow, um 2 door or 4 door?"
"It was a 4 door!"
"What was the last direction of travel?"
"What?"
"What way did they go?"
"uh... they went out towards the Forward edition."
(This is kinda like telling someone towards the Golden Gate Bridge from anywhere in the Bay Area)
"On what street?"
"They live out there on ... umm... oh my goodness! They live out towards Country Village. They live out there."
"So they went out Monroe St?"
"Yes, that's it... and the license plate is IGTZ597"
"Mam, License plates on cars start with a number and 3 letters."
"Oh, it's a one. sorry and it probably isn't even in his name."
"Ok, do you know WHERE he lives in Country Village?"
"I just know you pull in, go through the sing and you make a .... a uh... right. Then you make a left and you follow it... it's down there. I believe there is a Sheriff that lives next to him."
"OK, what's your phone number?"
"My phone number?, 527-1234"
"Ok, that's the number you are at now?" (I knew that was not the number she was at now because it was a home phone prefix)
"No"
"The number I am at now is, ... I don't know. (eventually provides a cell phone number)
"Ok, I will have the officer check the area and give you a call."
"Ok bye"
Now, let's just take a look at all the things this woman DOES NOT KNOW....
1) Her baby's daddy's last name.
2) Does not know the difference between gold and silver.
3) Credit to her, she does know that he DOES NOT have a driver's license but let's him take the child anyhow.
4) Does not know left from right.
5) Does not know name of street that baby daddy lives on, or even his address for that matter.
6) Doesn't know her own phone number.
7) Does not know there is a difference between a Sheriff's Deputy and a City cop.
Just another perfect example of why certain people should not recreate...
