The BEST Vacation Ever!!!

Barcelo Resort

Riviera Maya

Quintana Roo, Mexico

This was the view outside the sliding glass door to our room. We would have been able to sit out on the patio and people-watch from here, but we were much too busy taking naps on the beach to bother with sitting on the patio.

Too lazy to move my feet out of the way of the picture. The white sand beach was the

most beautiful beach I have ever seen.

One of my favorite pictures... a good example of why you should check what is in the background of your shots. But nonetheless, Peter is looking very relaxed.

This picture should have been taken earlier in the week BEFORE I gained 5 pounds eating all the wonderful food at the buffets.

The benefit of being the one with the camera and the blog is that you can add whatever you want to your pictures. (I just make up any compliments I want to receive)

This was the absolute best vacation I have ever been on. The weather was beautiful, the ocean was warm and the beach was amazing, soft, white sand.

We are truly blessed to have had such a wonderful time together.

I didn't have to let him go...

Last week I found myself in quite a quandary. You see, being the weekend working type of girl I am, it is very hard to take my kids anywhere for a get-away trip. Since I work all weekend and they are in school all week, one of us would have to play hooky in order to leave town. In light of such a scheduling challenge, you can imagine that I was pretty happy when Spring Break finally rolled around. (You know, Spring Break??? We used to call it Easter Vacation when we were in school --- but since Easter is a religious holiday, Easter Vacation went the way of CHRISTmas vacation and any other holiday rooted in religion.)

I was really excited for Spring Break because the kids would be out of school for more than a week and we could go down to the Bay Area for a couple days and catch up with the cousins, etc. However, a couple days before we were going to leave dear ex-husband decided to change his plans and is now going quad riding in the family friendly mecca of Coos Bay, Oregon and now he wants Andrew to go along. Initially the quad riding group of dudes was going over to Nevada to some area known for its Spring Break fiascos...drunk lunatics riding quads dangerously, culminating in medical helicopter or hearse rides. A place that Andrew DEFINITELY was not going.

So kids going with mom to Bay Area, Father going quad riding really wasn't an issue. Until the change of plans to Coos Bay... now it was going to be a family friendly place and Andrew could go along.

Mom Challenge #1 - Andrew has never been away from mom for more than a few days. He is my 13 year old baby of the family. (Why on earth are these kids growing up so fast?) Anyhow, so even though it wasn't an issue for Andrew if he went away for a week, it was an issue for mom.

Mom Challenge #2 - Since Andrew is 13 years old, he should be able to make up his own mind if he wants to go hang out with the cousins, or go quad riding with the guys. (Refer back to Mom Challenge #1 --- Mom will miss Andrew!!!)

Initially I was really happy when his dad called and said, "Andrew wants to go to the Bay Area with you and see his cousins." Yeah!! I was still cool! I was still Mom! Andrew still would rather hang out with me than the guys! Yippy!!!

As you can see , my excitement at Andrew choosing Mom over the guys was obviously short lived. Dad called back and said "Andrew changed his mind, he wants to go to Oregon." UGH!!! An entire week without my baby child? The car ride all the way down to the Bay Area without my #2 child in the car? How could I survive? Any mom knows that going anywhere without all of her ducklings in tow just feels WRONG! It feels like your skirt is stuck in your pantyhose. It feels like you are wearing socks with flip-flops. It feels like you left home and forgot to turn off the coffee pot. IT JUST ISN'T RIGHT!

And then it came to me, "The Agreement" I could pull out the agreement and refer to the paragraph that states, "Neither party shall remove children from the state of California without providing other parent at least 14 days written notice." HA!!! They were leaving in less than 14 hours! "The Agreement" is pretty lame by most court standards, 2 pages total. We pride ourselves on being one of the few couples in California who could get a divorce without spending a penny on attorney's fees. We are mature, reasonable, co-parenting adults and we hammered out "The Agreement." Basically, it requires us to always do what is in the best interest of the children and since we are responsible adults we typically can come to a mutual decision on what is best for the kids.

Ultimately, I never pulled out "The Agreement" I let Andrew make his own decision to go quad riding with the guys. It was a hard week, but I survived! And thanks to his Dad and the guys, I got some pictures to show that both Andrew and I made the right decision.

Another "You called 911 for this?" call - You can't make this stuff up!

This is a picture of DS (Dear Son). HE isn't really goofy, other than being 13 years old. I just find him to look goofy in these glasses. It is my visual aid for personifying how goofy many of the people are who call 911.

I would like to have a better picture that adds to understanding the call, but this is the only goofy picture I could come up with and this call was just too good to not share with you.

Dispatcher (That's me): Police Emergency, Can I help you?

Caller: Umm, this isn't an emergency but I didn't have the number to dispatch and it's like...it is REALLY late at night and I am trying to sleep and there are kids outside skateboarding and yelling.

Dispatcher: What is the address?

Caller: Provides Address

Dispatcher: Yes, just so you know this isn't a 911 emergency. Would you like the non-emergency number because this isn't something you would call 911 for...

Caller: Yes, I know. I just...

Dispatcher: That's ok. It is just that we are required to make contact on all 911 calls, so now an officer will have to come out to your residence.

Caller: Uh...Oh... Are they going to come to the door?

Dispatcher: Yes, would you like the non-emergency number for future reference?

Caller: Uh, I have it in the other room. I just didn't want to get out of bed. Um... so is he going to knock on my door?

Dispatcher: Yes, most likely. Because you called 911 we are required to come out to your residence to confirm that you are ok.

Caller: I have number in the other room, I don't need them to knock on my door because I am sleeping.

Dispatcher: Well, the problem is that we don't know if there is an emergency at your house and someone is just telling you to say that everything is ok.

Caller: (irritated) I AM TELLING YOU THAT EVERYTHING IS OK!

Dispatcher: (more irritated - but professional) I understand that mam, you called 911. 911 is for LIFE AND DEATH EMERGENCIES ONLY! We make contact on every 911 call.

Caller: oh.....ok.

Moral of the story:

If you are too lazy to get up out of bed and get the non-emergency phone number to report a complaint of people skateboarding outside REALLY late at night (10:02 pm???) DON'T call 911! We will make sure you get out of bed to answer the door.

Now wouldn't it just have been a whole lot easier to get the phone number in the first place?

A Passive-Aggressive Note

"Thanks for using all my (expletive crossed out) tampons and leaving the empty box on the shelf.

Thank you

Souza :-)"

I never quite understood what "passive-aggressive" meant. It was one of those things that perplexed my mind. How can someone be both passive and aggressive? I was pretty much used to being called aggressive, so it kinda threw me for a loop when DBF (Dear Boyfriend) told me I was passive-aggressive. I had to do a little research to find a definition.

In my travels to determine what kind of character flaw I was being accused of possessing, I came across this:

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

The hilariousness of some of these notes is unparalleled. One of my all time favorites is "Rocket Pubes" which will make you laugh till your eyes are watering and your coworkers are asking, "What the heck is she doing over there?" The downside is, you will never again look at taking a shower the same way.

Anyhowza, ever since I added it to my favorites I have been on the lookout for passive-aggressive notes to submit. You can imagine my excitement when I went into the restroom at work a week or so ago and found this baby in the cabinet. WHOO HOO!!! I raced back to my desk to grab my cell phone and started clicking away trying to get a good enough pic to submit to the web page. I sent the pics to my computer and eagerly emailed them to the web page. So, hopefully in the near future this baby will appear on the web page and somebody here at work will fess up and bring in a new box of tampons for Souza.

Oh and in case you were wondering, YES! I do admit to sometimes being passive aggressive. But that's nothing a little bit of counseling can't help fix.

"Call of the Day"

I have decided to create a "Call of the Day" Blog. I figure sometimes these things are so good I have to share some of them with my friends. Since I am blessed to have many good dispatcher friends, I will occasionally share their stories with you as well.

First you have to understand that most 911 calls are not true emergencies. Not an emergency in the kind of sense that those of us with any amount of intelligence would consider an emergency. It is an emergency in someone's eyes because they don't have enough common sense to run their own lives. This is typically how many calls go:

Caller: "My purse was stolen out of my car."

Dispatcher: "WHERE did this occur?"

(We like to establish jurisdiction, if it isn't ours we're more than happy to refer them to the correct agency. One less goofball we have to deal with today!)

Caller: "About 3 hours ago"

Dispatcher: "Not WHEN Mam, but WHERE?"

Caller: "At my house."

Dispatcher: "I understand that Mam, but WHERE do YOU live?"

Caller: "In (name of city) "

Dispatcher: (Through clinched teeth) "I KNOW THAT... WHAT IS YOUR ADDRESS?"

Caller: "Oh, 123 Main St."

Dispatcher: "And your purse was stolen from your locked vehicle?"

Caller: "No it wasn't locked. But it was parked in my driveway."

People, People you can't possibly be this stupid. As Bill Envall likes to say, "Here's your sign!"

Here is my all time favorite call


Dispatcher: "Good afternoon, Dispatch."

Caller: "I um... need to talk to somebody. I just dropped my son off to his dad and I picked him up yesterday morning and he brought him without no car seat and right now he just left he's driving."

"Where did this exchange take place?"

"At Rob's Tires, and I was not going to drop him off with him but he said the uh...girl that lives with him was gonna bring a car seat and I watched because I have been told he has been driving around without my kid in a car seat and my kid's only 1 1/2. "

"What's your name?"

"insert caller's name here"

"Ok, what is his name?"

"Bob...Bobbie (says last name)"

"How do you spell that?"

"I'm not sure"

"You don't know how to spell his last name?"

"(giggle)No I don't"

(Train starts to pass through and can be heard in the background)

"It's the father of your child?"

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"It's the father of your child though?"

"He is, yes!"

"But you don't know how to spell his last name?"

"Huh?"

"BUT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL HIS LAST NAME?"

"No, I don't know how to spell his last name?"

"What is it again?"

"repeats name"

"Do you even know what it starts with?"

"An "I" "

"And his first name is Bobby?"

"Yea, Roberto, Bobby? I - "

"Hold on please -."

"I have his license plate number too"

"Ok, hold on please"

*** At this point I put her on the phone and scream as Jesus weeps that one of his children could be so ....um.....what shall we call her? ***


" ok what's the license plate mam?"

"My aunt's looking for it, we just wrote it down when he drove by."

(Passenger inaudibly repeats a plate number)

"Ok, what kind of car is it?"

"It's a BMW"

"What color?"

"Uh, it was silver, or you know like a goldish silver color."



*** Dispatcher thinks.... black is opposite of white, gold is opposite of silver --- WTF is goldish-silver?***



"Gold or silver?"

"And I believe he doesn't have a driver's license."

"Wow, um 2 door or 4 door?"

"It was a 4 door!"

"What was the last direction of travel?"

"What?"

"What way did they go?"

"uh... they went out towards the Forward edition."

(This is kinda like telling someone towards the Golden Gate Bridge from anywhere in the Bay Area)

"On what street?"

"They live out there on ... umm... oh my goodness! They live out towards Country Village. They live out there."

"So they went out Monroe St?"

"Yes, that's it... and the license plate is IGTZ597"

"Mam, License plates on cars start with a number and 3 letters."

"Oh, it's a one. sorry and it probably isn't even in his name."

"Ok, do you know WHERE he lives in Country Village?"

"I just know you pull in, go through the sing and you make a .... a uh... right. Then you make a left and you follow it... it's down there. I believe there is a Sheriff that lives next to him."

"OK, what's your phone number?"

"My phone number?, 527-1234"

"Ok, that's the number you are at now?" (I knew that was not the number she was at now because it was a home phone prefix)

"No"

"The number I am at now is, ... I don't know. (eventually provides a cell phone number)

"Ok, I will have the officer check the area and give you a call."

"Ok bye"

Now, let's just take a look at all the things this woman DOES NOT KNOW....

1) Her baby's daddy's last name.

2) Does not know the difference between gold and silver.

3) Credit to her, she does know that he DOES NOT have a driver's license but let's him take the child anyhow.

4) Does not know left from right.

5) Does not know name of street that baby daddy lives on, or even his address for that matter.

6) Doesn't know her own phone number.

7) Does not know there is a difference between a Sheriff's Deputy and a City cop.

Just another perfect example of why certain people should not recreate...

First Day of School

The first day of every school year is full of tradition at our house. When the kids were little they got to dress up in their cute little "first day of school" outfits. We would stand outside in the front yard with the cool new backpacks and the perfect plastic lunch pail we had spent 45 minutes in the store picking out. Everyone would happily smile and have their picture taken.

Well...I am here to tell you that times have changed for this Family.

First of all, this was Mo's first year of high school. The look on her face pretty much sums it up...."Why MUST I do this?"
To which I respond, "Get your butt over there and smile!"

Nasty look with eye roll...



"Do you want to be late for your first day of school? " I reply. Followed by,
"No, you don't and this car isn't leaving the driveway until I get my pictures!!!"

One problem is that on the first day of school this last year it was already about 95* out before we even packed lunches. Getting the kids to put on anything more than a tank top or tshirts was pretty much impossible. Alas, they go to school looking like the kids whose mom finds it more important to buy cigarettes and Jack Daniels than to buy her kids school clothes. WHICH IS NOT TRUE!!! The kids had tons of clothes in the house they could have worn to school that day. I think they just want to torture me... Actually, I know they do.

Ahhh....ummm... Where was I going with this story??

Oh Yes! I remember now...




As you can tell, Mo is pretty darn irritated that BEB (Blue Eyed Boy) is acting like a ??? humm??? What shall I refer to it as? I know, a boy! BEB is definitely acting like a boy here. All Mo wants to do is get the stinkin' pictures done so she can get to school and her brother is going to be as uncooperative as he can so that what would have been 5 poses turns into about 25 poses. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I suffer every year for the First Day of School to get pics of the kids?

Well you see, I have a plan, a vision, a dream. For some reason, I guess after around our 3rd birthdays my mom seems to have stopped taking pictures of us. There are a couple I remember seeing; Sis and I dressed up for Halloween as clowns and also one of us opening Christmas presents. But other than that, we seemed to have disappeared. No first day of school pictures, no birthday cakes, no parties at the roller rink, no Christmas presents and no Easter bunny pictures. Where did Sis and I go?

So, my plan is that one day I will be able to present my children with their own photo albums. Lovingly tucked inside will be a First Day of School picture for every single grade, a picture of them on their birthday, and a picture of their birthday cake.

Will they appreciate this? If you asked them today I am sure they wouldn't. But I can promise you they won't be wasting countless hours of their adult lives wondering why their parents never took pictures of them.

Until then.... Say Cheese!!!

Tattoos, Tongue Piercings and Trouble

Tattoos, Tongue Piercings and Trouble
1/21/09

My daughter had her BFF (Best Friend Forever) spend the night this past weekend. I love it when she has her friends over. Mo is pretty much always a pouty teenager towards me, so it richly warms my heart when I get to watch her and BFF laughing over silly stuff. Their most recent game of choice is trying to beat each other up and leave bruises. It’s a love/hate relationship I guess.

Mo doesn’t like to laugh and giggle with her dorky mom much. She absolutely dreads it when I sit on her bed and try to talk “girl stuff” with her. The only girl stuff she wants to talk about with me is when she needs monthly girl products or more Mac makeup. You can imagine how excited I was when I got to lay across the bed with Mo and BFF and look at all the songs that BFF had on her laptop, songs that she was going to put on Mo’s iPod for her. I didn’t hesitate for one minute to get up and dance when I found Madonna’s “Holiday” on the laptop. BFF laughed and Mo promptly turned bright red from embarrassment. (She obviously embarrasses easily…I don’t dance that bad.)

In Mo’s eyes, things went from bad to VERY bad when BFF casually mentioned, “Your mom hasn’t seen THE pictures yet.” To which I replied… “Pictures? You have pictures to show me?” As BFF navigated to the pictures file on her laptop, I watched as Mo’s uncomfortable red tint promptly returned to her face. I think she was terrified that I was now going to dance to Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” or possibly break out in a Michael Jackson moonwalk.

Now, what does this have to do with Tattoos, Tongue Piercings and Trouble you ask?

Well, according to the Kiersey Temperament Sorter test, I am a “Guardian” personality type , I like to follow the rules. I don’t just “like” to follow the rules… I get down-right uncomfortable if someone suggests we stray from the rules just a little itsy bitsy teeny bit.

So my first thought about these pictures was “Oh My Gosh, what were the people in the store thinking?” Secondly, from my job at the local PD I know what great video surveillance they have in Wal-Mart. I couldn’t help but wonder what great entertainment the Loss Prevention Department got from watching this caper unfold. But after looking at all the pictures and having the biggest, rolling on the floor, eyes watering, giggle session I have had in a VERY long time, I realized that it’s not as if my daughter and her BFF took a trip to town and came home with Tattoos and Tongue Piercings or got a free ride home in the back of a cop car. They didn’t damage any products, steal anything, or give anyone a “flat tire” with the shopping cart.

Ultimately, I abandoned my “Guardian” temperament and decided I should embrace the “Artisan” part of me that must be buried way down there somewhere. I should rejoice in all the fun they had making this montage of photos and realize that the girls probably made a lot of people chuckle as they pushed their carts full of items through the store. At least they likely got their minds off the crummy economy and their empty pocket- books for a while.

Hope you find yourself wiping tears of laughter from your eyes as much as I did. At the very least I hope your view of teenage humanity is restored by watching two girls having a good time with nothing more than a digital camera and a trip to the local Wal-mart store.

My Sister...

I feel it necessary to tell about these pictures tonight. Last week I was blessed to graduate from Simpson University. It has been quite an adventure finishing a bachelor's degree. In addition to being together as a family; we were blessed with absolutely beautiful weather. It was record breaking temps in the mid 70's.

We decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and walk across the Sundial Bridge in Redding, CA. My dad enjoys that type of thing and the kids all got a chance to get some energy out after sitting through the graduation ceremony.

The day was filled with many photo opportunities. We were greatful for that because last summer when my dad was here visiting from MN, we failed to take many, if any, pictures of everyone together.

These are just some of the beautiful pictures we got on the Sundial Bridge. I promptly posted the pics on my Facebook page and "tag" my sister so she will be alerted to their presence. To which I receive her thankful reply saying, "Was that your attempt at HUMOR??? DELETE the photo or else. . . For those of you that don't know. . . NO I am not six months pregnant!!! "

I find this to be very disturbing.

First, my sister has the benefit of being younger than me by 1 year, 11 months and 5 days. That in and of itself, is an advantage in this picture.

Secondly, She has always been smaller than me. An inch or two shorter but about 30 pounds lighter. I remember trying to give her a pair of size 3 jeans I had grown out of and her innocently replying, "I wear a 1 or a 0...those won't fit me."
That sure made her big (pushing a size 9) sister feel pretty darn...ugh... good???

Lastly, I think I value my family quite a bit. I will admit that the family I value is probably the one I have made up in my head. It is the family I dreamed of having instead of the one I got. It is the one I have strived to make for me and my children. So...to me...these darn pictures were pretty important. I want my friends to look at them and say..."Wow, there's Heather and Carrie. They sure grew up and turned out to be beautiful, succesful women."

So,

To my sister and her complaining...go ahead! Complain away! I think you are beautiful and you fit the mold for the family I dreamed up in my head. So, unless you somehow manage to figure out my Facebook password, you'll never be able to squash my dream family.

Oh and Carrie...I don't think you look like you ate a whole watermelon...maybe one of those cute little personal watermelons that are as cute as you are, but definitely not a whole watermelon.